What helps when you feel lonely (even when you have people in your life)

I remember someone telling me,
“You can’t be lonely. You’re young.”

That just made me feel worse. The assumption that age had anything to do with my very real experience… and the quiet feeling that something must be wrong with me, because “young people don’t get lonely.”I went away from that interaction feeling lonelier than ever.

In 2023, a UK survey from Nextdoor in partnership with Marmalade Trust found that 85% of adults experienced loneliness in the last 12 months, with 44% feeling chronically lonely. I’m hearing and seeing more and more people say, “I’m lonely.” And sometimes, it’s not because they don’t have people in their lives.

It’s because the relationships they have don’t quite nourish them. You can be around others, staying in touch, filling your time and still feel like something is missing. Conversations feel surface level. You leave interactions feeling flat, or even more alone than before. Because loneliness isn’t just about being alone. It’s about not feeling met. Not feeling seen, heard, or able to be yourself in the relationships you have.

If this feels familiar, here are five things that can help:

1. Nurture the connections that feel different

Why this helps:
Not all relationships contribute to loneliness in the same way. Often there are one or two people, spaces or interactions that feel even slightly easier; where you soften a bit, feel more yourself, or leave feeling less drained. It could even be with your pet.

When everything feels lonely, it’s easy to overlook these.

How to do it:
Notice who you feel even 5% more at ease with.
Instead of spreading yourself thin across lots of interactions, gently invest more there; a longer message, a slower conversation, suggesting a walk instead of a quick catch-up.

You’re not forcing connection. You’re following where it already feels more possible.

2. Notice where you’re not bringing your full self

Why this helps:
Loneliness can exist inside relationships when parts of you are held back.

You might be agreeable, easy-going, the one who listens… but your needs, opinions or feelings don’t fully make it into the room.
So even though you’re with someone, you’re not fully there.

How to do it:
Start small.
Let one honest thing land in a conversation:

• “I actually had a hard week”

• “I don’t really feel up for that”

• “I’d rather do something quieter”

You don’t need to share everything. Just a little more of you.

3. Choose connection over convenience

Why this helps:
Modern life makes it very easy to live with minimal human interaction.
Self-checkouts, delivery apps, remote working- they remove friction, but they also remove small moments of contact.

Individually, these moments seem insignificant. But over time, their absence can quietly deepen a sense of disconnection.

Loneliness isn’t only shaped by our close relationships-it’s also shaped by these everyday, micro-interactions.

How to do it:
Gently choose connection where you can, without forcing it:

• use the checkout instead of self-checkout

• walk to pick up food instead of ordering in

• spend a day working around others instead of always at home

• get off your phone, put away your head phones and interact! Maybe with the person at the bus stop, the cashier or someone behind you in the coffee shop. A small compliment or your rake on the weather is a start.

You don’t need to overhaul your life. Just notice where convenience is replacing connection, and experiment with small shifts.

Connection isn’t always obvious

but is still matters.

4. Let yourself notice what feels nourishing (and what doesn’t)

Why this helps:
If you’ve spent a long time adapting in relationships, you might be disconnected from what actually feels good vs what you think you “should” enjoy.

Without that awareness, loneliness can continue even when opportunities for connection are there.

How to do it:
After spending time with someone, pause and notice:

• Do I feel more settled, or more drained?

• Did I feel like myself?

• Do I want more of this, or less?

This isn’t about judging others. It’s about reconnecting to your own experience.

5. Create opportunities for new kinds of connection

Why this helps:
Sometimes loneliness isn’t because something is wrong with you or your current relationships-it’s that your environment no longer matches who you are now.

We outgrow dynamics, roles and spaces.

How to do it:
Think about the type of connection you’re craving:

• slower

• more open

• more mutual

• shared interests

Then take one small step towards that:

• a class, group or workshop

• reconnecting with someone you felt safe with

• trying a space that aligns more with who you are now

• Take part in The Marmalade’s Trust Loneliness Awareness Week. The theme for 2026 is Give loneliness a voice.

New connection doesn’t have to be big. Just different. You don’t need to change all your relationships at once.

Loneliness doesn’t shift through doing more it shifts through finding moments where you feel more like yourself, and gently building from there. If you’re recognising yourself in this, you don’t have to keep navigating it on your own. Therapy can be a space to explore your relationship patterns, reconnect with yourself, and begin creating connections that feel nourishing. You can book a free 15-minute video call here or contact with any questions here. I offer online sessions to clients across the UK

Remember healing happens in connection, not isolation  🫶